Learning to say no to people is one of the best things you can do for yourself, but many people find it extremely difficult. Why? Because they want to be liked. The ironic thing is, people will like you more and respect you more if you say no when it’s appropriate!
Why say no
1. People will respect you. People who say yes to everything in order to be liked are quickly recognized as weaklings. When you say no to someone, let them know that you have limits. They show that you respect yourself – and that is, how to respect from others win.
2. People will actually see you as more reliable. If you only say yes when you have the time and the true ability to do a great job, then you will gain a reputation for being reliable. If you say yes to everything, you must do a bad job of everything.
3. As you do your tasks selectively, you sharpen your natural strengths. Focusing on the things that you are good at can help improve your natural talents . For example, if you’re a great writer but not as great as an artist, you can volunteer to write speeches, but you shouldn’t sign up to make the posters for your club. Focus on your strength and build your skills (and experience) for college.
4. Your life will be less stressful. You might be tempted to say yes to people in order to please them. In the long run, you will only hurt yourself and others if you do this. They strain yourself by overworking yourself, and you experience heightened stress when you find that you have an obligation to abandon them.
When should i say no?
Let’s point out the obvious firstly: do your homework properly.
You should never say no to a teacher, friend, or family member who is simply asking you to live up to your responsibilities. It’s not okay to say no to a class assignment just because for some reason you don’t feel like doing it. This is not an exercise in cockiness.
It’s okay to say no when someone asks you to step away from your real responsibility and comfort zone in order to take on a dangerous task that will overload you and affect your academic work and reputation.
- When a teacher suggests you become president of a club he or she is advising, but your schedule is already crowded.
- When a popular athlete asks you to help with their homework and you run out of time.
- When someone asks you to do their homework for them.
- If someone asks you to give him information that is in a test were (if he has a future class with the same teacher).
It can be very difficult to say no to someone you really respect, but you will find that if you show enough courage to say no, you will actually get respect from them.
How to say no
We say yes to people because it’s easy. Learning to say no is like learning something: it seems really scary at first, but it’s so rewarding when you get the hang of it!
The trick to saying no is to get it tight without sounding rude. You have to avoid being washed out. Here are some lines you can practice:
- If a teacher asks you to take on more responsibility than you need to, thank you for thinking of me, but I have to say no. I’m planning too much right now.
- When a teacher asks you to do something that you are not comfortable with, this sounds like a great opportunity for someone, but it is not right for me.
- If someone wants you to cheat: Sorry, I’m not sharing my homework. That would get us both in trouble.
- If someone tries to sell off the work on you, I don’t have the time to do a good job right now.
- If someone tries to overload you with a task: I can’t because I have an assignment tomorrow.
- If someone tries to convey a problem to you, I understand your situation, but I have no answer for you.
When you have to say yes
Surely, there will be occasions when you want to say no but you will not be able to. When you ‘re working on a group project , you need to do some of the work but don’t want to volunteer for everything. If you have to say yes, you can do so on fixed terms.
A conditional “yes” may be required when you know you should be doing something , but you also know you don’t have the time or resources. “Yes, I will do the posters for the club, but I won’t pay for all of the supplies.”, is an example of conditional yes.
To say no is to gain respect. Gain respect for yourself by saying no when you need to. Earn the respect of others by politely saying no.